I can’t believe my last post here was three years ago. It is amazing how time gets away from me. Yes, I am still here. Fighting mental illness has been a real struggle these last three years and with that fight, I didn’t feel like writing. I apologize for letting this blog go. I just didn’t feel I could write decent material because I was so down. Who knows though, I might have written some of my best work if I’d tried. That might be true. However, I just thought it was best to just be quiet.
How are things going for me? I have gone through a lot. I have been hospitalized five times, tons of therapy, and just a few months ago, ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy). I also found my religion. Yep, I am no longer a free agent. I have always been in flux over a spiritual home. It was a lot of soul searching. Even though I was in the battle of my life with depression, my faith in God was strong. God gave me the strength needed to find him.
What did I choose? I chose to enter Islam.
It was a choice I did not make lightly. It was a lot of work. Islam is not exactly portrayed in a positive light. However, when one pills away the crap slinging, there is a beautiful religion underneath. I am still found of Judaism too. The nice thing about Islam is the fact that you can enter anytime and then grow from there. Judaism requires one to grow first before joining. My troubles have been growing up. God through Islam allows me to grow at my own pace. Oh, I am sure that there are a few that disagree with me but I have convert friends who say otherwise. I am told to not worry about moving slowly.
I sure was going to be a Jew, don’t get me wrong. I fought hard. Yet, family considerations with a ton of xenophobia just became too much. Plus, I was starting to become really ill. Yes, I gave up. How am I getting past the xenophobia now, I am remaining silent. Not what I prefer, however, the harmony of my family is my number one concern. I have two wonderful children to think about.
The big reason for entering Islam is I was lonely. I had this strong faith in God, yet no one to share and relate with. I so needed a spiritual home. I had three choices, Christianity, Judaism, or Islam. Christianity required me to rehash my past and I would rather not, it was out. Judaism required me to go all in before even getting a chance to be a part of the tribe. Realistically, that was not going to happen. I just don’t think I can get my life together quick enough and my loneliness has been overwhelming. Islam just came together. I was asked to enter Islam and I accepted the offer. Like I said, it just seemed to come together naturally. It was strange, heartwarming, and beautiful. I am still amazed at how God works.
Yes, I am Muslim. Has that changed me? Ahh…Nope. This is the same James who all my readers have gotten to know. Some of my readers of the past are still in touch with me through Facebook. Some others I have lost touch with. I sure miss you all. You and this blog are a major step in my life. I wouldn’t be who I am today without you all.
Is this blog coming back to life? I don’t know for sure. I would like to say yes. Yet, I am not sure I have it in my. When I write something serious, I do a lot of reading about it. I look at it every way possible and pretty much have smoke coming out my ears. Writing is exhausting. Yet, I love it.
Stay tuned though, write me if you would like. Tell me you want me to get off my butt and write. Hehe
Take care Y’all. May God love you up.