I wish I would have known that a seemingly fun adventure on my tip to Bloomington, IL would turn around and bit me a month later. Yes, that is what yesterday brought me, when disaster literally knocked on my door. Not wanting to get into details, this incident pretty much tarnished my efforts to attend the Rosh Hashanah service this evening and my attempts at conversion in general. In addition, it has solidified the validity of my wife’s anxieties towards the Jewish community. So, now I am faced with damage control. However, do not get me wrong, I do not blame anyone but myself for this situation. I wish I had a time machine, because I would go back to August 6 and tell myself not to do it.
I guess that leads me to where I am now. I think it is time that I face the facts. This whole wanting to be a Jew is not working out. The writing is on the wall and I am just not wanting to see it. I love Judaism, but for some reason Judaism does not love me. I personally do not like to give up on anything, but maybe it is best to swallow my pride and just give up. It seems the God has other plans for me, it has truly become apparent after yesterdays craziness. What am I to do, God does not seem to be on my side or interested in me converting to Judaism. I cried quite a bit last night and now writing this post. It makes me angry that I am so broken hearted over this, it seems so unfair and I do not understand.
Therefore, I am quitting my quest for conversion to Judaism and I am closing down this blog. I am going to move on to brighter pastures with my new blog, which is in the works, and try to bring back stability in my life. I will let all my friends know about my new blog site and please email me with any questions.
I want to give a big “Thank You” to everyone who has supported this blog and me in the past.