Monthly Archives: December 2009

Thursday Already?

Wow, I must say, the week has blown by for me. I am looking forward to another few days off.

I have been playing around with WordPress lately. I still am entertaining the idea of moving my blog to another host, basically hosting my blog myself. Setting up WordPress from scratch seems to be pretty strait forward for me. My test environment is on an Ubuntu Linux Server, which happens to be running as a Virtual Machine on a VMware ESXi Host. Yes, I like to get all techie with it. Anyway, being that I have not used the install version very much, I am finding that there is a learning curve to get past. So, it will take me a little more time to understand how to personalize a theme to my liking. At least I will learn something new and have a little fun with it.

That’s all for today, folks…

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Back Too Work

Four days off, where did the time go? After the phone started ringing at my desk, I knew that this would be one of those kinds of mornings. One of my jobs is an application developer and most of my work is in Visual Basic .Net. Well, about three years ago I built a payroll application for my company, which was browser based. It seems like every year at this time, a new bug shows up in my code. Frankly, I am always amazed at how these bugs can escape many years of detection and show up now, I find it strange. Anyway, I was able to pinpoint the problem and I fixed it.

It seems, as I mature in my programming skills, that when I look back at my work to try to fix a problem, I can’t believe that I wrote this stuff. I mean, if I where to do it over, I would have taken a different route. However, sense the code is working efficiently for the most part, I find it better to just leave it be. It has been my experience that changing an already functioning app means more headaches down the road.

A philosophy I try to adhere to: “If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it”

Anyway, it looks like this will be another short week for me. Have a good week everyone…

Sunday Musings

Today has been all about snow. Actually, it started yesterday at mid day and looks like it ended about noon today. I am kind of glad that it is snowing, because a few days ago we had heavy rain to a point of flooding. The picture was taken when I was scooping the driveway for guest that where arriving later.

I hope everyone is having a great Sunday so far…

May There Be Many More Botched Terrorist Attacks

I am glad that an attempted terrorist attack on an airline yesterday turned out the way it did.  It is quite sad that this person felt the need to kill people for a reason that is not clear yet. Frankly, this attack was absolutely senseless.
 
My thoughts and prayers go out to the passengers and I wish them comfort and peace as they get on with their lives.

Friday Ramblings

Hello Everyone,

Today is kind of busy , so I wish I could have gotten this out earlier. The picture is my son playing with his new kitchen set. Wow, that thing was a challenge to put together. Anyway, he is having fun with it and that is what counts.

Merry Christmas to my Christian friends!

Shabbat Shalom and have a wonderful weekend!

Letting It All Out

There has been a lot on my shoulders lately and I thought this would be a good time to get something off my chest. About little over three months ago I wrote a post “Maybe it is Time to Quit”, which was a reaction too something that happened to me the day before. So, I feel that I need to tell my story and maybe get past it.

Well, it was the day before Rash Hashanah. I actually was on pin and needs that day because my Rabbi invited me to the Rash Hashanah service on Friday night and I wanted to go badly. Unfortunately, I was more nervous about the day after.

Anyway, I was at work and I got a call from my wife. She was extremely mad at me and told me that I need to call an FBI agent (from the Anti-Terrorist Task Force no less) immediately. I called the very polite FBI agent and cleared up the misunderstanding in about 5 minutes.

I thought it would be cool for my blog to post some pictures of the local synagogue in Bloomington IL, while I was visiting. My wife was on work related business and my son and I set out to get a photo of the synagogue. It was about lunch time when I arrived and the Temple secretary was just leaving. I walked up to her and told her my intentions and she seemed fine with it, even offered to let me take pictures of their court yard. Unfortunately, I was in a bit of a rush because I needed to get my wife some lunch and my son had fallen asleep in the car. So, I might have come off as a tad suspicious in my activates.  Plus, I did not know what to say, so I kind of fumbled my words a little too much.

It seems that the secretary must have recorded the license plate number when she left and my wife said the FBI agent had photos of me taking the pictures. I guess the worst part of this is that my wife was questions by the FBI agent with no knowledge of me being there.

Of course, when I got home, my wife was not happy with me and kept asking me why I hang around with these people, when it seems obvious to her that they do not want me around. She pretty much told me to knock it off. As I always seem too do, I coward and retreated to my normal position of, “Yes dear.”

As I look back, it does seem a tad bone headed of me to have done this in the first place. I totally forgot that synagogues are in constant threat of terrorism and it probably was not a good idea to visit a synagogue this way. Yeah, I learned that first hand.

I think this now brings me to the really juicy stuff, I am still feeling resentment after three months. I am still upset that the secretary told the FBI agent that I was impersonating a Jew, which I a pretty sure that I told her I was interested in conversion and was not Jewish.  The FBI agent question me on why I said that I am apart of the Springfield community and I told him that I attend the Temple is in Springfield and that is why I said it. Personally, I suspect that even if I would have said everything right, the secretary would have still taken everything out of context anyway, because I was a suspect in her eyes.

What amazes me the most is that two bad actions (the secretary and mine) seemed to fall on my shoulders and I am the one who paid dearly. She can go on with her life like nothing every happened, because nothing really happened to her. She reported suspicious activity to the FBI, like she was trained to do, and went on with her life. I guess it is just past my understanding why I get to harbor most of pain that comes from the consciences of my actions, when the other party does not have to pay for the consciences of their actions?

Yes, it is so easy to blame someone else than myself. Trust me, I have been pretty hard on myself and extremely angry at my actions. I will continue to make this all my fault as I try to reconcile my resentment towards the secretary. It does seem though, three months is still not enough. I guess I need to forgive and move on, but it seems impossible at the moment. I am embarrassed about being accused and investigated for terrorist activity. It angers me to the point of tears that the secretary has no idea how much pain she caused me.

Sadly, this has been my crappy life and why I have been running away from it. I literally hate myself for feeling this way.

Thanks for reading this…

Friday Ramblings

Hello Everyone,

I thought maybe instead of running from my troubles, I think I will turn around and open Religiously Challenged backup. I received a Hanukkah card from a dear friend, who obviously did not know my current religious state, which is still deemed “Complicated”. Nonetheless, I found myself deeply touched by the card and it made me realize that I need to stop running from the pain that I am still harboring. Yes, I would still love to be apart of the Tribe, unfortunately my life that I have made for myself over my 40+ years of existence will not seem to let me. Anyway, that is the crappy side of my life at the moment. However, believe me when I say this, I refuse to completely give in to it and I am striving to make something good out of it.

OK, yes I am still walking. As a matter of fact, I have improved on my endurance and speed, which is needed to make minimums of the half marathon in my sites for April. My goal is a three hour half marathon, which is an average pace of 14 minute miles. I will be training with the local running group and doing their recommended training schedule. Although, they will be running and I will be walking, I am thinking their training schedule will be helpful to meet my goal. Nevertheless, it will still be up to me and I am ready to get started in mid January. Brrrr…I am sure that the training will be nothing but cold though, at least it will make it interesting.

I am looking forward to getting 2009 behind me and starting 2010 on a better note. I am definitely hoping and praying that G-d will grant me a better year than my last. I know I am going to give it my best to make it memorable. Plus, I will have a new addition to my growing family coming in April of next year and I am really looking forward to that. If you could, please keep use in your thoughts and prayers. We have discovered that my wife has placenta previa which could cause her to have excessive bleeding and put the baby at risk. So far though, things seem normal.

Anyway, I am deeply sorry that I have neglected my friends and their blogs lately. I can’t say that I will never do that again, but I am going to try to stay away from being a stranger.

Shabbat Shalom and have a wonderful weekend!!!