A Seed Has Been Planted

Yesterday, a seed of doubt was planted and it is growing like an unwanted weed. I am a realist of sorts, my odds of becoming a Jew are slim, and I know that. I am not saying that it might never happen. My thought is that it puts such a strain on my life as it is, why all the hardship? Plus, will I be an observant Jew? Maybe not completely observant and it really hinges on how my family manages it. Don’t get me wrong though, I understand Halakhah and its importance. I would do my very best to be a Jew and observe it.

Why make the effort? That’s been the tough question for me. I have lost count how many times in the last three years that I have tried to return to my roots, Christianity. For me, Judaism is something solid I can believe in. Yes, there is a lot more to Judaism than theology and it can be intimidating (in an unfamiliar sort of way) at times but it has gotten better through time.

So far, the community here has been very friendly and my Rabbi has given me no reason to think that I wouldn’t fit in.

A don’t know, maybe it is best that I return to Christianity. When it comes to Social Justice, which is dear to my heart. The United Methodist Church would be a perfect fit for me. Plus, I would not be at odds with my wife in the religious department. Sad part is, their theology tradition is something I would have to go along with it and probably would be uncomfortable with believing in whole heartily. Actually, I have written about this before on August 5th in “Unfortunate Babblings

Or just maybe I should just be an agnostic theist and go with the flow. It probably has a lot less headaches and hardships. Although, I have always been one of those that can persevere hardships if I put my mind too it, finishing a marathon with uncontrolled asthma reminds of that.

Yep, the seed has been planted and I am as religiously challenged as ever!


5 responses to “A Seed Has Been Planted

  1. Well, you know a lot of my story, and a lot of what I believe, and most importantly that I’m a Christian. And I know it’s much easier if you fully believe what your faith community [of whatever sort makes the most sense to you] believes, but it IS doable if you have some minor belief differences, at least in my opinion. For example, right now I’m part of a Mennonite church community that I love [though I don’t believe in denominations, because I kind of don’t get the whole dividing the body of Christ thing…], but I am currently unsure on their views of homosexuality–whereas I’m VERY liberal [and not Mennonite]. So, I know what I believe, but when I’m in church, I keep my mouth shut on the issue. 😉

    Anyways, I really love your contemplative faith-focused poss like this, and I’d totally love to see more of them. As always, if you wanna chat about faith, life and whatever, drop me an e-mail, it’s one of my favourite discussion topics.

    And, continue on the journey! You’ll get where you’re going eventually.

  2. I apologize if I was the one who planted the seed. I just feel that it’s not fair for people to be striving toward something without fully understanding the difficulty entailed in what they’re striving for. What you need to do is come to terms with your decision (easier said than done) because once you fully believe that this a what you must do, you determination will push you though and you shouldn’t give up. But you do need to make that decision. It is also possible to believe in the Jewish way of thinking and support Jewish stuff without actually being part of it – like the 7 Noahide laws… Tho if you want more than that and truly know in your heart you want more than that, you should follow you’re heart.

  3. Agh. So, so, so difficult. I can’t imagine how things would have gelled for me and my BH if I had been adding to the religious melting pot in our household. Thankfully, there wasn’t already an established faith that either of us followed, so my lightbulb moment (and it literally was an ‘Aha!) didn’t upset the apple-cart too much (although it has required adjustment for us both).

    I don’t have any answers for you, but just friendship. There are a few things about being Jewish in my branch that don’t sit 100% with me, but they are things that I can work on, that I can look upon as challenges to deal with as the months and years roll by. After all, are any of us ever 100% happy with where we are in life? I think somewhere up in the 90s is a good achievement. The bigger questions, the theology tradition as you called it – I would find it almost impossible to reconcile, if I had no choice but to look to Christianity. And that’s not dismissing that faith at all – it’s just my personal take.

    The very best of luck with working it all out!

    Shabbat Shalom

  4. You must always follow your heart, and not what others want you to do, in matters of religion.

  5. Speaking as, I suspect, the only agnostic secular humanist in the group here, I agree with jewwishes. If I could believe, I would. It would make things easier with my family (mom’s a devout presbyterian, and likewise for my sister, grandma, and most of the extended family), and community (I live in the city with the most churches per capita of any city in my country). On the other hand, expressing firmly athiestic views would make things easier with Dad (think Dawkins, and that’s my dad’s beliefs on religion). But I can’t do either. It would be dishonest, both to myself and those around me, for me to claim belief in any god or gods, but it would also be dishonest for me to say there is absolutely no chance that a deity or deities exist.

    Follow what you feel is right for you. If those around you care about you, they’ll accept it. They may accept it reluctantly, but they will accept it eventually.

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