Monthly Archives: November 2010

My Faith – My Religion

Over the weekend I had a casual conversation with my wife on the after life. To this day, I still stun my wife when it comes to faith. Anyway, I am pretty much agnostic when it comes to the thoughts and traditions of the after life with G-d. Not saying that there isn’t, but for me, it just doesn’t seem necessary to believe in G-d. (Whoops, this sentence kind of meant something different from what I wanted to convey. Afterlife is just not that important too me. It’s how I live this life now that’s important.)

I guess that leads me too this post. What the heck do you believe in James?

I suppose it is no front page news that I am a wee bit liberal leaning when it comes to faith. Yes, I believe whole heartily in G-d. What gets tricky for me is the relationship part. I guess that would come down, in a real world sense, too a faith tradition. Honestly, that is where my comfort level ends.

I often struggle with why I am stubbornly resistant to religion. It is not like it’s really going to bite me.

I guess it would be my religious past that haunts me. Let’s face it, I believed at one time in some pretty outlandish nonsense. Heck, I believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that this nonsense was real. This religion found a way to justify their beliefs through their sacred scripture. Being that I took a fundamentalist approach (not saying fundamentalism is a bad thing), it was easy to get caught up in it. One of the things the pastor taught was free thinking and research (only in the context of his group’s own little reality). I took him to heart on that and studied what I presumed was my enemy. Hey, if they are truly my enemy then there should not be a problem finding the truth without hearsay. So that’s what I did, I studied my enemy and found that reality was much different than the little small world of hearsay that I was living in. That’s when I realized that I was on the wrong side of the fence. I did not take me long to leave the group and repent. To this day, I believe G-d saved me from this group.

So, I suspect the adventure in bad religion plays a major part in why I am the way I am. Yes, I am afraid to have a relationship with G-d via a faith tradition. Is this a rational fear? No, I think not. But really, what can I say? The past is the past and it truly haunts me.

What ends up happening and creates such a struggle for me is thought of spiritual authority. I don’t do very well when someone speaks about the righteous path like they know what G-d wants. Frankly, why should I? I was spoon fed a bunch of baloney in my previous religion. I was told that this was G-d’s will that I think this way and after a while, believed it was. To be honest, even though it was a load of crap, it was very empowering and I truly felt close to G-d.

Well, I will stop for now, that is kind of were I stand. I hope this makes some kind of sense. I have trouble writing coherently when it comes to this topic. If anything, this is a taste of what’s rattling around in my head.


Monday and the Weekend Wrap-up

Well, I am breathing well again. I am feeling the after effects of Prednisone at the moment but I can manage.

I can sum up the four-day weekend like this: sick, sick sick… Yeah, it was a real struggle at times but I survived. Not much to say really, just did the best I could, relaxing as much as possible.

Hopefully I will start getting back to some productive writing here shortly or maybe not.

Have a great week and be well!!!

Friday Ramblings

Hi everyone, I hope your week went well!

Been a rough week for me. Monday I was hit pretty hard with an asthma flare and ended up seeking help of a doctor. Sadly, I have not been this sick before. All the last ones pale in comparison to what I experienced this week. It’s OK though, I am still learning what I can do and what I can’t do when it comes to controlling my asthma. I am still a newbie at this.

I am going to keep it short this time…I want to thank all my friends for all the well wishes and support, love ya!

Be well and have a great weekend…Shabbat Shalom!!!

My Turn to Feel Poorly

Hi everyone, hope everything is going well in your lives!

I have been hit with a flare-up again. It seems that my activates on Saturday did me in. It is the only thing that I think of. Maybe I inhaled just enough smoke while outdoors or maybe it was over-doing-it on the physical side. I did wear a mask in hopes that it would prevent a flare-up, but it looks like I had one anyway.

I first started feeling signs of a coming flare Sunday afternoon. I had the normal fatigue, cough, and a few bouts of shortness of breath (SOB). Sometimes it is short lived and other times it is a sign of things to come. By Monday, I was hit hard. I even had my second experience with air trapping (If not, it sure fit the symptoms anyway). That scared the bajibers out of me, I couldn’t talk and I found it hard to relax. Thankfully, I kept myself fairly calm and started to cram Ventolin puffs down my lungs. I couldn’t hold my breath intentionally but after four hits it finally went away. Yeah, one would think that was call the doctor time for me, but I am a stubborn type of individual and didn’t, stupid mistake. Anyway, to keep that from happening again I kept myself at my desk and stayed that way as much as possible. After work I was starting to feel a little better but I did take it easy.

Tuesday, I woke up feeling pretty good. Everything seemed fine again until I made it to work and SOB hit me pretty hard whenever stood up and walked around. There is stairs in my office; IT personnel are cellar dwellers here. Every time I climbed the stairs to get to the first floor I would labor to breathe and get lightheaded, not good.

Grrrr…I really did not want to see the doctor. I decided to post an update on Facebook about my hesitation on going to the doctor, but was shot down by my wonderful friends who told me to get off my rear and be seen. So, I called my doctor, on vacation, and talked to the nurse instead. She told me to head over to my primary doctor or urgent care. I was not going to get into the PD this late in the day, so I opted for urgent care.

I made it to urgent care breathing like crazy. The nurse asking questions was listening to my lungs and had to ask me to slow down. I was really going at it. She decided that I needed a neb because of my out of control breathing. Heck, I had a puff of Ventolin while in the waiting room and I am afraid I needed more. Something was up with the neb, at first I thought it was just a slow one, but I am not sure what they gave me. It was not as misty as any Albuterol treatment I have ever had. The nurse talked about two kinds of nebs they could give me, something about a double (Albuterol mixed with something that starts with an “X”) and just strait Albuterol. I am wondering if they ended up giving the double mixture. What ever it was, it sure made a difference.

Doctor came in and listened to my lungs, asked me some questions and prescribed me five days of prednisone (plus, some Albuterol nebs, because mine are out of date now). Yikes, a five day burst with no taper.

Just to add some spice to this post. Here is the family nebulizer, our trusty little penguin.

Today, I woke up feeling poorly but seem to be doing fairly well now as long is I don’t do much. I am in good spirits. A little while ago I came too grips with my illness so this is just part of it.

Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-… That’s all, folks…

Be Well!!!

Monday Blues

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is doing well and had a good weekend.

Not feeling very well today, asthma flare again. I am hoping it chills out before my four-day weekend coming up.

I am going to keep this short for this post…

Just wanted to wish everyone a wonderful week and be well…

Sunday Talk

Hi everyone,

Well, I should have taken yesterday off from all work and read a book or something. However, lawn work was needed and had no time on Sunday to do it. So, I spent most of Saturday ridding leaves from my lawn and mowing. Unfortunately, it was another weekend of smoking up the neighborhood. Yes, my neighbors where at again, leaf burning. The cool thing was, I was ready for it this time. I purchased a nice face mask earlier in the week and I wore it all the time that I was out side. Yeah, I felt kind of weird wearing it, but if it keeps my lungs from going crazy, it was all worth it. I do have sore lungs this morning but I am thinking it was from me breathing in the mask. I was breathing hard at times and they probably got a workout. I sure know the rest of my body did.

I was supposed to get in some big training mileage this morning but did not feel like it. No, I felt good and probably would have done fine. I keep thinking back at my last marathon, it’s training, and the big flare-up that followed it. I just can’t help being cautious. Well, being cautious has truly taken the wind out of my sails when it comes to motivation.  Think I will be OK, I still have time to get enough training in to make an honest attempt at my race, at least that is what I hope.

Well, running out of time…I hope everyone’s weekend has been going well.

Be Well…

Friday Ramblings

It’s that time again, yay, TGIF!!!

Health – I had a pretty good week in the health department. Had some exercise induced issues early in the week but it was not as bad as its been. So I can safely say that it was a happy week.

Marathon Training – Yeah, that is right, I am doing marathon training again. Actually, it is more like maintenance training if anything. Not sure of the quality but I am hoping it is enough to help me reach my goals. If anything, I am going to have fun and not be frustrated. I have a ton of stuff bothering me at the moment and I don’t need this to be bothering me too.

Religious Stuff – Speaking of things bothering me, yes, it’s this. I am thinking a separate post would be in order. I just need to vent and let it all out. Believe it or not, I am pretty reserved on my blog when it comes religion. I guess I am little afraid of offending some of my friends. There is one thing that I do not talk about on my blog is politics. Yes, I would like too (because I am totally into politics), but talk about a divided sticky wicket. So, to say again, I need to get somethings off my chest and maybe writing a post on this blog about it could help. However, That’s if I can go from brain to keyboard.

Busy day, so not much rambling for a Friday.

Be well my friends!!! Have a great weekend and Shabbat Shalom!!!