Over the weekend I had a casual conversation with my wife on the after life. To this day, I still stun my wife when it comes to faith. Anyway, I am pretty much agnostic when it comes to the thoughts and traditions of the after life with G-d. Not saying that there isn’t, but for me, it just doesn’t seem necessary
to believe in G-d. (Whoops, this sentence kind of meant something different from what I wanted to convey. Afterlife is just not that important too me. It’s how I live this life now that’s important.)
I guess that leads me too this post. What the heck do you believe in James?
I suppose it is no front page news that I am a wee bit liberal leaning when it comes to faith. Yes, I believe whole heartily in G-d. What gets tricky for me is the relationship part. I guess that would come down, in a real world sense, too a faith tradition. Honestly, that is where my comfort level ends.
I often struggle with why I am stubbornly resistant to religion. It is not like it’s really going to bite me.
I guess it would be my religious past that haunts me. Let’s face it, I believed at one time in some pretty outlandish nonsense. Heck, I believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that this nonsense was real. This religion found a way to justify their beliefs through their sacred scripture. Being that I took a fundamentalist approach (not saying fundamentalism is a bad thing), it was easy to get caught up in it. One of the things the pastor taught was free thinking and research (only in the context of his group’s own little reality). I took him to heart on that and studied what I presumed was my enemy. Hey, if they are truly my enemy then there should not be a problem finding the truth without hearsay. So that’s what I did, I studied my enemy and found that reality was much different than the little small world of hearsay that I was living in. That’s when I realized that I was on the wrong side of the fence. I did not take me long to leave the group and repent. To this day, I believe G-d saved me from this group.
So, I suspect the adventure in bad religion plays a major part in why I am the way I am. Yes, I am afraid to have a relationship with G-d via a faith tradition. Is this a rational fear? No, I think not. But really, what can I say? The past is the past and it truly haunts me.
What ends up happening and creates such a struggle for me is thought of spiritual authority. I don’t do very well when someone speaks about the righteous path like they know what G-d wants. Frankly, why should I? I was spoon fed a bunch of baloney in my previous religion. I was told that this was G-d’s will that I think this way and after a while, believed it was. To be honest, even though it was a load of crap, it was very empowering and I truly felt close to G-d.
Well, I will stop for now, that is kind of were I stand. I hope this makes some kind of sense. I have trouble writing coherently when it comes to this topic. If anything, this is a taste of what’s rattling around in my head.