Monthly Archives: December 2010

Friday Ramblings

The end of the work week already? I hope everyone had a great week. It has been an  under-the-weather kind of week for my household. I kind of been a hold out in getting sick, but I am sure that won’t last. Watch, next week would be the worst time for me to get sick and that is when it will happen.

I will probably be writing next weeks Friday Ramblings in Orlando, FL. Yes, it is my big racing weekend. Not sure about the race, but it will be great to see my family. My Mom, Dad, and Sister with her family all moved to Orlando a few years ago. I am probably more excited to see my sister and my nieces than I am the race. As for the race, I can’t wait to get it over.

Health – I have been struggling in the breathing department this week, that makes two weeks now. I am  not doing to bad, but I have to be careful not to irritate my lungs into a full-blown flare. No complaints though, just need to be on guard and work to stay healthy.

On a most excellent note – I was honored with a blog award this week. honored me with a Breathingstephen Blog Awards 2010. There where quite a few wonderful asthma blogs being picked for this award, to be among them was a surprise and complete shock. Thanks so much Steve!!!

blog award

Have A great weekend and Be Well!!!


2010 In Review

Boy, I can’t believe it. The end of 2010 is near. I was thinking about titling this post “2010 a Bittersweet Year.” Then I thought, no it was not exactly that, how about “2010 a Bitter and Sweet Year.” Regardless of these titles, I decided on a much plainer one.

I have to admit, 2010 was a sweet year. Here are some highlights:

1) In February, my second son little “R” was born (here is a post on his birth). Little R was born 10 weeks early and spent the first 7 weeks of his life in the hospital. Even though the circumstance of R’s birth is a tad bitter, the outcome was totally sweet. God is good!!!

2) In April, I walked my first half marathon. I loved the race and hope to walk it in 2011.

3) In August, I decided to start blogging again after a many month hiatus. I am so glad that I did. I have met so many new friends this year because of it. I hope that continues into 2011.

4) In October, I walked my first marathon. This was a really tough race. I started getting sick about the start of training for this event, but I overcame the health issues and finished the race. I still struggle with this race emotionally. However I am happy to have done it.

I have to admit, 2010 was a bitter year.

1) In August, I was diagnosed with asthma. My first symptoms really started about two weeks after walking my first half marathon in April. I did not know what was going on so I waited it out hoping it would pass. By July, I was really starting to go down hill and managed to get my first bout of bronchitis. One of my meds prescribed to me was a rescue inhaler (ProAir, which I like better than Ventolin but my insurance won’t pay its share for me to get it). I learned pretty quickly after daily use of the inhaler that something is just not right. So, after a month on the inhaler and I was starting to run out. I went to see my primary doctor for some help and he referred me to a pulmonologist. Come to find out, after my thorough PFT (Pulmonary Function Test), I definitely had asthma. Yeah, a lung function of 54% without meds, yikes!

Needless to say, this was a big blow for me. I have had my moments of feeling sorry for myself, which I still struggle with. Having asthma has been a whole lifestyle change for me. October and November, I had two of my worst asthma episodes so far. I have never been that sick in my life. Heck, this marathoner could not even climb a flight of stairs or barely drive himself to urgent care for help. I know, it will take some time to get use to this new norm and I have gotten better.

As for my outlook for the year 2011, I really have no expectations. I am going to continue to search for a spiritual home and take care of my health issues. Plus, a little racing, God willing.

Monday and Weekend Wrap-up

Hi everyone, hope your weekend went well. My weekend was supposed to be a long one, but ended up flying by. I kind of struggled with my health but managed to get though. All in all, my weekend was busy but a good one.

Anyway, sorry for the short post…

Have a great week everyone!!!

Friday Ramblings

Hi everyone, I hope your week went well. Sorry about not having much posted this week. I have had a lot on my mind and unfortunately it didn’t get written. I always have plenty I could write about, because hey, I am a complex person, LOL. Next week I will try to bring to light some of my thoughts, like I said try.

Health – I haven’t done as great this week as it has been. Although, it has been Ventolin free days regardless. I am not complaining but I was just breathing so well for many weeks.

Anyway, have a great weekend my friends, much love and be well!

Monday and Weekend Wrap-up

Hi, hope you had a great weekend!

My weekend went well. Saturday was the normal family stuff. Mainly, we shopped for food and spent time with my wife’s mom who is in poor health. Sunday it was training and house cleaning (or was it taking care of teething little R, my youngest boy).

Health – Well, I thought for sure that I starting to flare on Saturday, but it was sort lived, I was breathing fairly well on Sunday. Hopefully this new trend continues.

Marathon Training – Woohoo, I managed to get 20 miles in this weekend. Left IT band held together until the 19 miles this time, unlike two weeks ago where it hit me at mile 12. Best news is I was able to remain on pace this time. Yeah, it was hurting, but I had a lot more mobility. I also tested my new nutrition for the marathon with good results. I am going to use Perpetuem Solids from Hammer Nutrition. I have been using Hammer Nutrition’s gels for a year now and although they have gotten the job done, I am just not convinced it is the appropriate source of calories that I need. Plus, they recommend using Perpetuem products with any training or race that is over 2 hours. Well, my marathons are over 6 hours. The reason I have not used this product before is that Perpetuem only came in liquid form and spoiled easily. I could not find a way to use them safely in a marathon because I have to carry my nutrition the whole race from start to finish. That’s where the solids come in. I am able to carry them with no worries. Another reason, the solids are new and have only been out a month. I am so glad that they are available now.

Anyway, I see hope for me yet.

Friday Ramblings

Oh boy, it’s that time again. What’s that…its Friday Rambling time. I hope everyone had great week!

Health – What can I say other than…awesome! I don’t quite understand why dry cold air agrees with my lungs, but it does. It has been so much easier to breathe lately, yahoo (while knocking on some wood).

Marathon Training – In one word…Stinks! Weather has been rough and my knees have been cranky. Plus, throw in some lack of motivation in the mix also. I have been doing core exercises though. Yes, I am finding that I am pretty weak in that area. I have a big training walk this weekend that I have to at least make an attempt at. I know I am breathing well and everything, but my lung health has been a contributing factor in my lack of training. I just don’t want to have asthma complications right now and I am afraid that stress in relation with training will cause problems, it has before. I keep beating myself up over this, wondering if I am doing the right thing.

On a fun note– I was given the chance last night to play Mr. Mom in a “Mommy and Me” tumbling class. My oldest son “E” has been going to a tumbling class for two-year olds. Because they are still young, mothers get to assist their child through various tasks. Yesterday, unfortunately, DW was running a fever and not feeling well at all. So, if E was going to tumbling, it was going to have to be me as Mr. Mom. Actually, I was so excited to take him. He did so well and we had a blast together.

Faith and Religion Stuff– I will be honest, I have been a little down this week. Even though in reality, I know that I am not alone and have always a friend to talk too. I still feel alone! To be even more honest, I feel like a nobody. I know, I know, I shouldn’t feel this way because it’s not true, yet I still do. My faith in God is really strong so why is religion that important? I suppose that is the million dollar question. I guess the answer is, I feel like a nobody currently.

I could put my foot down and tell my life I built that it doesn’t matter anymore, because religion comes first. I am sure I could find many religious people who would agree with that. Although, I have this over whelming sense that if I do that, God will not be pleased with me. Now, I have seen where changing ones life for religion (Unfortunately, even having to divorce their spouse because of it) was pleasing to God and the right thing to do. I personally do not get those vibes at all.

Maybe it’s my “Do not rock the boat” attitude towards the issue that is the problem. Yeah, I have played the door mat for quite a will now. Sadly, I feel stuck, unable to find a solution.

What does James want? James wants a religious institution to call his own. He wants to go too religious service, religious functions, and hang-out with like-minded individuals and call them his good friend.

Yeah, that is what James wants and that is why he feels alone.


Have a great weekend everyone, please take care and be well!!!

My Faith – My Religion (Part 2) – The Nitty Gritty

Since getting words of encouragement from my post “My Faith – My Religion”, I thought maybe I would continue on and voice my thoughts on the matter. Believe me, the last post was very productive for me and I have been deep in thought over it.

About a week or two ago I told a dear friend that I made up my mind and decided to follow my heart when it comes too religion. I told my friend that Judaism has my heart and that is where I think I need to be.

Just about that time, my DW (Dear Wife) dropped the usual Christmas bombshell on me and wanted me too go too Christmas Eve Communion with her, which is a family tradition. Of course, I dropped a bombshell on her by saying, “Do I really have too.” That really didn’t go over too well. I received the normal deer in the head lights look of, “You’re not Christian anymore.” It did not take me long to realize that I need to change the subject quick because this might get ugly.

Too my DW’s defense, she did marry a Christian man. A fact she uses quit frequently. She is right, I was a Christian when we got married. Although, things do change over time, but I guess for some, it doesn’t.

OK, I have a couple of things that need to be said before I get into the nitty gritty of things. There are two things that I have learned so far though all this religious stuff. Love God and love my neighbor. If any thing, these two define my faith.

The reason I struggle with God is because I want a loving relationship. I am reminded of Jocob wrestling with a divine being and overcoming it. For me, I am wrestling too but have yet to find peace. Although, I might need a Part 3 to explain my thoughts on this because I am not sure I want to address this in this post.

As for loving my neighbor, I have come a long way in this department. When I first repented from my previous religion (Christian Identity), I told God that I am no longer going to hate people. I had a severe hatred of Jews, I repented. I had a severe hatred for the LGBT community, I repented. Lately, I had a negative view of Muslims, I have repented. Believe it or not, lately, I had a negative view of Christians, I have repented. So, I have come a long way and I feel it was the right way to be (for me anyway).

I guess it’s time for the nitty gritty of this post. As I said earlier I love God. Nine years ago, I made a promise to God that I was going to make my marriage work even in the darkest of days. Yes, regardless of how my DW might feel about it, this is my promise that I have a hard time breaking. The past has shown me that God is not interested in allowing me to break that promise either (an interesting story in itself). I think the main reason that I struggle with my religious path is her. In keeping my promise, I have allowed myself to be a doormat. Even though my DW has repeatedly stated that she only wants to be married to a Christian and has thrown the “D” word at me, I am not sure it’s wise for me to pursue my love for Judaism. Yes, it saddens me but I do believe that God wants me to be with my DW.

Reality is, there have been so many obstacles and hurdles on my road to Judaism, and I can not rule out that God had a hand in it. I kind of address this in my post, “Not a Good Week so Far.” Yes, my DW is the biggest stumbling block of them all and just maybe it was meant to be.

This is a difficult post for sure. I love God, my DW, and Judaism. Sadly, they don’t go together that well. If I am honest with myself, what is more important? I believe that God wants my marriage and family to be the most important thing to me. Even my rabbi said that keeping harmony in my family is very important, not for sure but I think it’s a Mitzvah.

In conclusion, this is the real reason that I struggle so much. I am torn between God’s plan for me, if there is such a thing, and the path I want to be on. If that is truly the case, I am loosing.