Blood Work Attempt…Fail

I am sorry if this sounds like a broken record, but I would like to write about it again. Maybe if someone was in my particular situation, they could find some peace knowing they are not alone. I have two other posts on this and they can be found here and here.

OK, I decided yesterday that I need to get my blood work done so the doctor can figure out what’s bugging my lungs. So, I headed down to the clinic. Just going to the clinic is a big deal for me. I really thought that I had it in me to just sit there and let them do their thing.

Unfortunately, it ended up being a big fail. The second they place the rubber strap around my arm, self-preservation clicks in my brain and it overrides all my rational thought. Sad part is I can’t control how I feel. I am truly brave up to that point.

After multiple fails at this and all the embarrassment I feel, this is just not going to happen without some serious help. The nurse said in her 26 years doing this that she has never met a person like me (not sure I really like hearing that). There was some other craziness and not so nice things said by others who thought they could help. I am sure that they meant well, but had no clue how to help me. In the end we all decided that this was not going to happen. I ended up getting upset that I wanted it done and couldn’t, feeling like an idiot didn’t help either.

This phobia must run deep in my subconscious, because I have analyzed this most of my life. It is certainly not the pain thing, like some seem to suggest that it is. For instance, I was using my screw gun one day and the drill slipped off the screw, the bit went straight though my thumb nail and almost through my whole finger. Yeah, I felt pain like I never felt before. Even though that happened, I am not afraid of screw guns.

My wife asked me last night, when the last time I had blood work done. I said 20 years ago in the army. How did I do it back then? Well, it was involuntary and I hated it. They didn’t give me any choice what so ever. Plus, I guess it was more tolerable then.

My biggest fear is not getting honest help for this and the doctors giving me the boot because I refuse the blood work. I certainly can’t stay on the meds because of it. Nor is it going to help me get better.

Right now I am embarrassed and don’t know what to do.


5 responses to “Blood Work Attempt…Fail

  1. Can you try going in there and thinking that it is “involuntary and I hated it. They didn’t give me any choice what so ever.” Because, in a somewhat bit of reality, it needs to be done and you really don’t have a choice, per se, and it wouldn’t be voluntary in the sense of the word.

    • You make a good point, Rayna! I guess I will keep trying.

      Sadly, this is a very frustrating situation for me and I just do not understand how to deal with it. I am just deeply frightened by it. As matter of fact, I can’t look at it and I turn my head on medical shows on TV when the needles are shown. Plus, it is frustrating not having control of myself. I don’t want to be this way.

  2. The only other thing I could suggest is to seek the help of a professional counselor who specializes in phobias and/or anxiety disorders. I needed the help of a pro to get to where I am now. I don’t think it’s a sign of weakness or anything to seek help when you’re in over your head with something. Far as I’m concerned, me seeking help for my needle phobia was no different from me seeking help from my pulmonologist and allergist for lung and allergy issues. *shrug* But then, I work in chemistry around needles on a regular basis and so I kind of needed to be able to get comfortable enough with them to use them as tools in a hurry.

    Good luck with it! Try not to get too down on yourself. It’s pretty much impossible to be calm and rational when your body is screaming that you’re going to die.

  3. I turn my head, too, when someone gets an injection on a show or movie. ou aren’t the only one, there are lots of us out there.

  4. If you manage to get your blood work done I will eat lychees. That for me is a total phobia. I can’t even walk past them in the fruit and veg aisle. Let alone eat one in a fruit salad. OMG. I do get it.
    CBT? Cognitive behaviour Therapy maybe? xx

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