Hi everyone! Well, I have made it through my first week of therapy. Actually it’s called partial hospitalization and I go 5 hours a day 5 days a week. It was a tad overwhelming at first but I getting the hang of it. My group is a great bunch of folk and the therapist seem so motivated to make use better. Plus, I am constantly evaluated to make sure that I am being safe. I have to agree everyday that I will not hurt myself. So far that accountability is keeping me from doing something stupid. Sadly, there was a few days I felt like getting that stupid, but I didn’t.
Not sure I have given my diagnosis here yet, but I have borderline personality disorder which I have had from childhood. I also have major depressive order because of my many suicide attempts. Yes, sadly, I have thought and almost went through with plans to end my life. The good thing is I am still here and very grateful that there was still a rational side of me that wouldn’t give up.
As for my work, I am on medical leave at the moment. I am trying not to worry about it but I suspect that my job will not be the same when I get back. Not even sure I will remain employed there for very long after I return. Sadly, I have messed up there and I am sure that the bosses know that now. Was the mess up my fault? Well, of course it is. It was me doing it. Was I in my right mind? Heck no! All I can do is return when the doctor says I am ready and just do the best I can. I have a mental disorder and they are just going to have to work with me or let me go. Only time will tell on this issue.
Anyway, trying to stay positive and hope the future remains bright.