Before I get started, I just want to thank all my faithful readers and to my friends that have been commenting on my update posts. As some can tell I haven’t been commenting back. Well, I have been feeling bad about that. Not sure why, but at the moment, the only thing I feel like doing is writing updates. I mean no offense if any found it to be rude. I love all the positive affirmations and believe me, I need them.
How have I been? I have been doing pretty well. The meds are all working now and I seem to be calming down. There is a lot more inner peace now, which is something new to me. The doctor still wants my to stay in partial hospitalization to make sure the meds are doing their job and also stay in therapy a bit longer to prevent relapse. Work is fine with me using more time to get better and they seemed to be caring. I could take it the wrong way but that is my illness talking. So I will just accept that they really care about me.
This last week in partial has been exhausting. The therapists revamp their sessions based on the daily assessments first thing in the morning. The daily assessment is a form we fill out and then talk about it in group. The therapist listens to us all and ask questions to open us up a bit more. Then I guess they have a meeting and discuss which therapy session has the most impact on all of us in group. Well, partial has been driving home all week about self-acceptance, which had the most impact on me.
Yes, I can not accept the fact that I have borderline personality disorder. Of course, I have known for 30 to 35 years that something was strange about the way I thought and handled things. I was in denial then and I would prefer to be in denial now. Heck, I have no clue how I coped with this disorder that long. I will pat myself on the back. That was a long haul and I actually was successful in life. From what I have read, that is very difficult to do with my disorder.
Yes, I do understand the need to come to grips with my disorder. The meds are controlling my thoughts well, but that only goes so far. I still have to use the tools partial is teaching me to have the best life possible. If I don’t come to a happy place with this, I am going to stop using those skills and relapse. Possibly actually hurting myself or worst. So, I need to find that happy place and fight for the best life possible.
Don’t get me wrong, I am very hopeful and I will get there. It is just taking a lot of work and time.
Anyway, it’s another week of partial, but I don’t know if its my last week or not. It all depends on my doctor. I this case, they really do know best. Hehe
Love Y’all and have a great week!