Last night was a blowout night. It all started when I asked if it is ok for me to get some miles in on the bike. I was told that I needed to stay home and take care of the children like a good husband should. So, I listen to my wife and stayed home like a good husband is supposed to do. Was I upset? Just a tad.
I guess it all started when I was giving the boys a bath. My littlest one had fallen asleep during supper time and had just awakened for bath time. Well, he was a little upset and was crying a lot. Which is typical of him and he eventually cools down. Well, I decided since he was already awake I will give him his bath with his older brother. That ended up making him more upset. My littlest one wanted no part of it. However, he needed a bath after swimming all day. So, I speedily bathed my youngest and asked my wife to see if she can get him to calm down. That way I can bathe my 4-year-old. The 2-year-old wanted nothing to do with his mother so we had to switch positions. I guess my wife wanted no part of it. My oldest boy and his mother started getting into a fight and I was told that she couldn’t handle him, so I needed to deal with him. I went in there and started getting him cleaned up.
That is when the disaster started.
Sure enough, she comes in the bath room and tells me I am not supporting her. I guess I should have explained to my 4-year-old that he needs to respect his mother. But, I knew beforehand that she was pretty cranky and that my son might not be the blame for the entire argument. Plus, I wasn’t really in the mood for confrontation so I just wanted to get the baths done.
Next thing I know the one-sided argument turns into a full 8oz insulated sippy cup hitting me in the back as hard as my wife could throw it and that hurt. I told her that was assault and I told her many times that I want her to stop. She told me a story about my therapy is teaching me the wrong things and that I am not changing my ways to keep the marriage going. All the therapy was a waste of time. In addition, every little hurtful thing she could think of. I guess I was using my CBT skills because I made boundaries during the argument and refused to get on the drama triangle. I was not interested in discussing marital needs when one of the spouses was beyond upset.
Sad part is, she told me that the only reason she hurts me is because I make her so angry she needs a release. When, I repeated what she just told me, she said that she didn’t mean it that way. Well, it sure sounds like an abuser to me. Yep, as long as I don’t make her mad I won’t get hit. I am so tired of my co-dependency tendency. I have put up with this for 15 years at least. Oh, I forgot, I was told that I verbally abuse her and she is just defending herself. Yeah, standing up for my self is verbally abusive to her. I am starting to realize my wife has some problems.
The only thing I disciplined my 4-year-old was when he told her to leave the house because he was mad at her. Both boys actually took my side and wouldn’t have anything to do with her. I told them that was wrong. I have done some bad things and I was forgiven. They need to give that same forgiveness to their mother. Not once did I say anything negative towards their mother, it is not my place.
I don’t know what is going to happen next. I am just not willing to change until I see some positive change from her. I want to be loved, not talking about sex, just a daily hug and a kiss would be nice. I am not asking for much.
The big obstacle – I can not get past how she treated me in the hospital. I was trying to heal from major depression and see attacked me every visit. Telling me how I am destroying her life while I am in the hospital. I was in lock down anyway, so I couldn’t leave if I wanted too. I saw a lot of supportive spouses during my stay, it was sad that mine was not. I suppose I have not forgiven her like I thought I did.
This saga continues to be a total mess.
Thanks for reading and for your support…